My IPO

Recently I was reminded of when I did a bad ass thing. Many of you are coming from Facebook and already know, but I must assume someday I will find readers that don’t know me personally. So today I am going to tell you the story of the time I took my 10 year old son and we went to Yellowstone by ourselves. I live in Washington near the Canadian boarder, so this was quite the jaunt. My son has autism and can not talk. This may put off some people from the attempt, but not me. I tried to get someone to go with me, but nothing ever panned out.

It was a freak thing. I came into a bit of money, and knew I needed to make an epic adventure happen. I had seen photos of the mineral pools at Yellowstone and knew I needed to see these before I died. I also want to hike Machu Pichu before I die. But that will have to be another story.

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So the point of this story isn’t the amazing sites that I saw, or the elevation gain that caused me to live in constant state of euphoric bliss the whole time I was there. The point of this story is I did something transformational despite the odds stacked against me. If something were to happen to me there was no one I could call on to help with my son. He was ten at the time, and not as socialized as he is now. There would have been bedlam and chaos if I had fallen like I did on that zipline. I took precautions and got AAA, got a guide book, checked in with family members every night. I took a calculated risk and was rewarded by an amazing experience that I wish I could relive again. And one day I am sure we will.

Now at the time I didn’t realize the magnitude of what I was doing, but hindsight is like that! It wasn’t until recently when a fellow single mother was talking about being nervous taking her young daughter camping alone that this trip even came to mind. To me, I saw the influx of cash as an opportunity to do something that normally would be out of reach. I didn’t think about the risk, only of the reward. It was in this conversation that I realized that not everyone thinks like I do. That is probably a good thing, but in situations like the one I found myself, I am glad I am not a meek or timid individual by nature. Not to say that those characteristics are bad, but they don’t serve a person well when it comes to living the life you dream of.

Now the focus of this blog is going to be my journey toward health, but I hope to give something to you the reader in exchange for your time. I want to encourage you to do the things you think may be impossible. While I have had plenty of nay sayer’s in my life, for the most part I have been blessed with people the continue to support and uplift me. I have had a very ‘eclectic’ life, and have walked many paths, but the one thing that has been a constant is the love and support I have been given by family, friends, even employers at times.

Maybe you aren’t so lucky. Maybe you are but you can’t see it in your life right now (been there). Maybe you just need another voice cheering you on, and I want to be that for you. I need to be that person in order to pay back all that has been given me.

All of this culminates into what is called an offering, usually something you buy. Problem with that is I am not so good at selling. But I do want you to buy something, I want you to buy into your dreams, your hopes. I want you to believe in yourself again and accomplish something fan fucking tastic.

In fact, it is not just you that I need to convince, I need to be reminded of the innate strength and perseverance that is hidden deep inside of me. I have let things go, I have let the light dim inside of me. It is going to take super human shit to lose 100 pounds, but damn it, it will do it. And I hope you come along with me and uncover your own power. I am going to become the person I dreamed of when I was sixteen. Won’t you join me?

 

Goals

While I have many things I want to do right now, the bottom line is there is very little I can do at the moment. Besides write. I am injured and I have to sit still. Once again I am nailed to the present moment and I must deal with the pain that that brings. I can dream and plan, but I cant make any tangible steps toward improving my health other than being mindful of what I put in my mouth. It is a very important aspect of my plan, but dammit, I want to go outside. I want to get in the lake. I want to do some yoga and stretch out some tight muscles in my left leg.

I want to DO. Because of my injury I am forced to just BE.

This isn’t very comfortable place to be in because over the years I have let myself go. And not just physically. I am a master of distraction. Anything I can do to take me out of the present moment I will do and now I cant do most of those things.

A friend of mine recently recommended making a 5 year plan. He has actually recommended doing this before, but now that I am stuck I realize this is a very good idea. But I am not at a point where I can look that far into the future. So I am going to make some 1 year plans and once I have some small successes I might be able to envision life farther into the future. My one year plans are:

  1. I will lose 100 pounds (or come close to it)
  2. I will write a book.
  3. I will remodel my house into a home.

Thirty seven is the year that I am going to finally get my shit together. Because like my sister is fond of reminding me, nobody else is going to do it for me.

How am I going to do all of these things? First I am going to do couch 2 5k once I am cleared by my doctor. I am going to train (yes, I will do the work before the event) and I will do a sprint triathalon next June! I am so lucky to have so many supportive people around me, a friend is going to let me use her road bike! I fail not for lack of support.

I am also committing to do NaNoWriMo this November. Writing for this blog will help, but I need to commit to some hardcore writing, I need to challenge myself. And NaNoWriMo is the perfect thing for me to do and the best part of it is it is free! Races are not free.

As for my house, well, lets say once I am able to go back home I have my work cut out for me. I will work on the inside of my house this winter and fix up the outside this time next year. I might start another blog that for that project. I always wanted to do something called Pimp My Trailer.

Why am I telling you all of these things? Well accountability is one reason. Another is that I want to inspire you to do the things you want to do. Some of you may want to do one of my goals, maybe you want to do something completely different. But I want you to do those things.

Just like my friend wants me to be happy, I want that for you. And setting some hardcore stretchy goals is one way to make yourself happy. Why don’t you step out of your comfort zone and tell me what your goal is in the comment section?

Fueling Farts

While I do not propose myself to be a nutritionist of any level, I want to take some time to talk about the inevitable gas that comes along with eating right. Don’t worry, it doesn’t last forever, but for me it is happening now.

I remember quite a few years ago I did Weight Watchers, and the farts were there too. Blessed unblocked gas. It is one of the first signs you are doing something right. You don’t notice a dip in the scale, your close still fit the same, but you notice the music that comes from your butt.

While it has been going on for a few days, yesterday was when I noticed it come out in full force. Particularly the one I let go as I passed by boss on the way to the bathroom. See I am on crutches, and moving nearly 300 lbs around using upper body strength and balancing on one leg, while holding your bladder is a juggle in itself. I simply didn’t have it in me to hold it in. She was a good sport about it and didn’t even flinch. I however turned 50 shades of red and kept on moving while she gave me a wide access to the hallway.

So how am I accomplishing this magnum opus of my booty? First of all a shit load of fiber. And I am getting it out the gate by making overnight oats the way a friend suggested. A few spoonfuls of real oats (none of that quick/instant shit) and adding Greek yogurt to the top of a jelly jar.  Mix it all together and put it in the fridge. Why I wasn’t doing this before I have no idea, because it is simple and takes less than 5 mins to prep.

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Pop that bad boy in my backpack and I have something delicious to eat at my 10 am break.

This is a game changer for me, as I am typically the type of eater that doesn’t eat for half the day (some people do this on purpose with intermittent fasting) and then gorge myself on unhealthy feel good quick foods the rest of the day. Yeah I got this body legitimately.

Next I have a salad for lunch. I have come a long way in my salad making. I have eaten many a sad salad, lacking in nutrition and variety. But with the help of Facefriends and my veggie loving sister I have come a long way baby. (Seriously, if you don’t know how to do something ask people online, everyone has an opinion, e.v.e.r.y.b.o.d.y.)

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As you can see, it doesn’t have to look pretty, just pile shit on top of lettuce. This salad is also a good measure of size. It was not big enough. Make that salad in the biggest container you have. Live and learn. This one has taco ‘meat’ cauliflower I made from Vegan Richa. Guac, sour cream, and salsa. I’m having it again tomorrow in a much bigger container. While not completely plant based you could make it that way by omitting the sour cream. Or you could up your protein by adding beans that I don’t have on hand right now. Or you know, add some damn meat. I am missing meat….

So for dinner I had another salad. A little more beautiful, a little bigger, a little more filling by adding vegetables and hummus.

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Right now it is hot as hell and I really cant stand upright for any length of time. So I eat a lot of salads. I will up my food making game in good time, but for now I feel like I am getting plenty of fuel as I am not active at all.

I have a fitbit and I am maaaaybe getting 1,500 steps a day. Which may not seem like a lot but it is all my poor armpits can handle. I wont share pics of my bruised armpits. Not with a food post anyway.

So there you have it. These were my main meals for the day. I snacked on plantain chips and other whatnot, but this is how I am fueling my farts in this hot ass weather. Tell me what you are eating in the comments.

Welcome!

Hey, thanks for joining me on what is sure to be an epic adventure.

I am just your average American, morbidly obese, smoker, cheese aficionado. Well, maybe not the last part, but I sure do love my cheese.

I am starting this because I am super bored of Facebook and need something to do while I heal. Sure, I could read, and I do, but I want to start something that can encourage others to get out of the trap of the Standard American Diet and inertia that seems to plague our nation.

I wont get political on here, but more people die in the US from obesity than from gun violence. That blows.

So what do you do about it? Aside from channeling the spirit of Michelle Obama, I honestly don’t have a clue. I hesitated to even start because of an old adage that I have always lived by: Never take weight loss advice from a fat person. Kind of like: if you need stitches, look for a person with scars. I don’t presume to know what I am doing, but I want to chronicle my journey. I know that if I keep at it I will get there.

I started by trying Whole30 a few months ago. It was stupid and expensive. I tried joining Facebook groups to get support and all I got was “where did you get compliant ______?” (my _____ was not compliant because I cant afford that shit). I did the best I could with what I had, but in the end I ended up gaining a pound so I said Fuck IT and had a beer. Then I tried a few other things that didn’t work either. Lots of disappointment, while my scale kept creeping ever upwards. Maybe I was only half assing it, maybe it could be one of my meds.

Don’t really know, but during the midst of this my psychiatrist wanted blood work. It came back with SUPER high triglycerides. OMG, I am becoming a statistic. I am well on my way to cardiovascular disease or a stroke. Way to go stud. I am not even 37 yet and I am a goddamned statistic.

Now it’s not like I didn’t see this coming on. I cant fit into XL leggings anymore (they don’t really make 2X leggings) and my tops are 3X. I don’t like pants that button. I get winded doing simple chores. I cant put lotion on my feet comfortably. I could go on, but that would be depressing and that is not what I am trying to do here.

When I went in to visit with my GP after getting the blood work back she put me on the Mediterranean diet and gave me six months to get my numbers down or I have to get on a medication. I take psych medications because I have psych issues, but that is where I draw the line. I am not going on a statin.  I am not adding another medication to my regimen. I have the ability to turn this shit show around.

None of this happened because I lacked support and guidance. My beloved sister has been gently riding my ass for months to drop some weight. A few months before this a good friend asked me if I would do an obstacle course race. I enthusiastically signed up and a friend of hers graciously gave me an at home training program which I procrastinated on due to hitting a very bad low with my depression. I didn’t want to give up on the race, after all I spent quite a bit of money on it, plus momma didn’t raise a quitter. Also, last time I checked I still think I’m in my 20’s.

Race Day: I am not even to the first obstacle and I’m winded and having pain in my lower back. This type of race allows you to skip obstacles without penalty so I skipped a few. But after a while I started feeling better, moved past the pain in my lower back and the more obstacles that came my way gave me opportunity to slow down and catch my breath. I am feeling like a warrior. I may be going slow, but I’m still moving and most importantly, I feel alive again.

Then comes the zip line. I watch all these women go ahead of me, some of them nailing the bell at the end, some of them not. Well who am I to pass this up, I know I wont ring the bell, but why not see how far I can go. Plus I want to splash into the pool of water that awaits.

Well when I fell I landed on my straightened right leg. So like damn near 300 lbs on the knee didn’t feel good. In fact, it broke my tibia. I put my approximate weight down because I don’t want to discourage people from attempting something like this. It was fun, it was bad ass. Sure, anyone can fall wrong, but I have a feeling I wouldn’t have broke my leg if I was 100 lbs lighter. Despite being laid up now for over a week I don’t regret doing the race, I regret not training before hand. Reality check: I am not in my 20’s anymore.

So here I am living with my grandpa because I cant drive or really get around my house. I am not the strong independent woman I pride myself on being. Live and learn.

Some of the lessons I have learned from having a broken leg so far:

  • Time management. It takes longer for me to get places on crutches.
  • Gratitude. Not everyone has family that they can rely on.
  • Easy does it. It was the tortoise that won the race and moving quickly hurts right now.
  • Crutches give you an excellent upper body work out.
  • Diet is very important when you cant move.
  • I have the opportunity to come back from this, not everyone is so lucky.

Now that I have shared a little bit about what brought me here, I want to close with where I want to go from here.

I have already signed up to do the same race next year. I am working on a plant based diet. I have Couch25K downloaded on my phone so I can start training for real once I get the ok from the Orthopedic doc. I am doing a race to support NAMI in October. I also want to try a triathlon next year. I have big plans that I want to set in motion. I want to feel like I did out on that course before I hurt myself. I want to feel alive again.

Please don’t take any of this as preaching. I’m doing plant based diet because my doctor recommended it for me. If you do Keto – fucking awesome. I really like racing. Maybe you do yoga. Any way you can make improvements to your health should be celebrated. You do you boo.